Weaselguide's Blog

BIG BILL DISCOUNT

weaselguide — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:23:13 +0000

When haggling with a street vendor the best way to get a discount is to always have a bill that would force awkward change results. For instance, say a fake Gucci bag sells for $25, tell him or her you only have two twenties. There ‘may be a chance’ that he has correct change, but curb your bets with this time tested advise.

CAR FLOOR MAT PIGGY BANK

weaselguide — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:17:17 +0000

A time-honored classic of thrifty drivers everywhere is the car floor mat piggy bank. Like the migrations of seasonal birds or salmon spawning upstream, nickels, dimes, pennies and quarters make it their undying quest to travel thousands of miles and find their way beneath your car’s floormats. Need some change for the parking meter or a Junior Whopper? Flip those puppies up and harvest the coinage. Chances are you’ve got at least a buck or two lurking down there by your Chuck Taylors.

3-4-1 BAGEL PARADISE

weaselguide — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:36:32 +0000

Who hasn’t asked for a bagel with “just a little cream cheese” and then received one slathered in thick, gloppy, spackling-like layers of it. It’s enough to make you think that your bagel maker is in cahoots with the drug companies, and that he’s giving you a quintuple dose of this fatty spread to spike your lipid profile and hook you on statins. No matter how many times you say, “just a little cream cheese” it fails to resonate. So why fight it? Next time, take as much as the guy dishes out, only order two plain bagels to go with yours. Open up the bagel with tons of cream cheese, get a plastic knife, and spread the cream cheese you don’t want on that bagel onto your other bagels. Now you have three or even four bagels with cream cheese, as opposed to one! The same technique applies to sandwiches with four inches of lunchmeat. Just get some bread and spawn more sammys from the mother sammy.

T-SHIRT PILLOWCASE

weaselguide — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:57:40 +0000

Weasels are clever creatures. They will do anything to survive. While weasels are admirable, ambitious creatures, sometimes they face troubled times, too. Times when they are all but alone and without a significant other, or any other need to look after themselves and enjoy the niceties of life. Under these circumstances of duress the “T-shirt as a pillowcase” technique is frequently used. This is when a lonely weasel is without proper linens and is forced to gingerly, carefully, and reluctantly, slip a Nine Inch Nails tee shirt around a pillow and improvise a sleeping surface. A sad sleeping surface one might add. But in regards to sebum and other facial secretions, a wise one. The tee shirt pillowcase. Definitely a technique to be avoided at all costs, as it is a sign of utter desperation, not to mention a clear view into a disorganized and futile pathology.

METRO CARD CONSOLIDATION

weaselguide — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:56:02 +0000

How many times have you swiped your Metro Card and seen “Insufficient Funds,” and either tossed the card away or bought a new one? You need to keep it. Because very often there’s a fifty cents or a dollar left on it. Horde a bunch of them, or track down your wife’s deck of them from the bottom of the utility drawer, hit the subway, and swipe them through the ‘Check Balance Card Reader” thing. For the cards that still have any monetary value left on them, take them all to the friendly attendant in the booth, and ask to consolidate them. He or she will aggregate all the remaining balances into one card and with one swipe, you’re off to enjoy the wonders of New York’s subterranean kingdom, only this time with a little extra jingle.

It’s interesting to note, a blogger, http://whatyourdonotknowbecauseyouarenotme.blogspot.com, has found over a $1,000 in lost/misplaced Metro Cards.

NEVER TRUST A SKINNY CHEF

weaselguide — Fri, 29 May 2009 19:08:43 +0000

We all know the popular saying, “Never trust a skinny chef.” It’s a humorous insight, but also quite true. It’s wise to know that the person preparing your food enjoys it even more than you do. This is equally relevant when you’re waiting for your order at Chipotle or any other deli in New York City. It only makes sense that an anorexic handling your food will be less liberal with the weight of his laddle. The mere sight of food repulses this individual. Be smart and make sure the person loading your burrito is borderline morbidly obese. You’ll be sure to get more than your fair share of the good stuff. Bon appetit and happy digestion.

GIFT CARD EXCHANGE

weaselguide — Fri, 29 May 2009 19:01:26 +0000

Each year we all have that one relative who takes the easy route and gets you a gift card. It’s the thought that counts right? We all love iTunes, Marc Jacobs or Best Buy. But what about those lame gift cards that come from companies that make your skin crawl like Rite Aid or Scrapbookers.com? Here’s a great idea, go to www.plasticjungle.com. This site allows you to buy, sell or trade gift cards. How awesome is that?! Now instead of a foot long spicy sausage stick from PepperidgeFarms.com, you’ll have cold hard cash in your account. So the next time your see Aunt Alice, proudly display the concert tshirt her gift thoughtfully purchased.

HALLUCINOGENIC SAVINGS

weaselguide — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:39:16 +0000

Whatever your proclivity is for recreational stimuli, one of the easiest and most efficient savings during a recession or economic downturn is to lose the number of your ‘stimulant salesman.’

OYSTER BAR SAVINGS

weaselguide — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:04:26 +0000

The Oyster Bar in Grand Central is one of New York’s most famous restaurants. It’s also one of the most expensive if you don’t play it right. First off, hit the counter not the tables. Most likely, the server will stick a large menu in your face where everything is $27.50. Savvy weasels know that the best buy in the Oyster Bar is the chowder. Whether it’s Manhattan or New England variety, it’s only five bucks or so, and best of all, you’ll get a roll, plus a few garlicky flatbreads for starters. When your chowder finally does arrive, your server will most likely wing a few fistfulls of oyster cracker packets your way. Rapidly stick these in your coat pocket, then ask for more. Chances are he or she will be so busy they’ll forget how many you have requested. Or better yet, pilfer a few from the guy next to you after he finishes his meal. Do this often enough and you’ll have enough crackers to fill a barrel. Remember: only cracker tourists and business goons on expense accounts drop $27.50 in the Oyster Bar for lunch. Not a clever weasel like you.

FREE PARKING

weaselguide — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:00:20 +0000

Garage fees in Manhattan are ridiculous. Why drop hundreds of dollars to store a car you use a few times a month when you don’t have to? A short distance from Manhattan there is a totally free parking garage the size of a burough called “Brooklyn,” where many streets have alternate side parking restrictions that are only in effect one day a week. (Say Wednesday, from 8:30-10:00) Hop on the L train once a week and shuffle your car to the next spot and save big. Or pay a friend who lives in the area a few bucks to do it for you. Also, there are a number of days when alternate side parking rules are suspended, due to legal and religious holidays. In April of 2009 alone, there were five days where the rules were suspended. Check http://nyc.gov/html/dot//html/motorist/scrintro.shtml for a list. Do you really care about something called “Idul Fitr?” You should. Because this September 19-21, from Saturday to Monday, you’ll be parking for free because of it. Who knew.